Validation.
Ever since I did APALI, I’ve liked talking and thinking about APA issues. Even though by now, I’ve addressed some of these issues over and over again, and even blogged about them, they’re still a subject of interest to me. Admittedly, it is sometimes tiring to bring up the same subjects over and over again, especially because all this talk of identity construction never seems to really DO anything. Maybe I’ve gotten a little farther in “constructing my identity”, but by large I sometimes wonder if the exercise is somewhat akin to intellectual masturbation. However, misgivings aside, I’ve always appreciated being able to talk about these points in discussion because I have never ceased to be amazed by the variety in viewpoints the students at Penn have. Applying that to something I can influence, which is APAHW, I was really excited to try to roll out an essay contest/scholarship that could potentially draw submissions for people who may have thought about identity or been vaguely interested in it, but never had the time or reason to flesh out an idea in its entirety. As far as contests go, it’s far from being successful. We’ve only marketed to a few random sources, and we don’t have that many submissions. But for the first time today, I sat down and read some of those few submissions that I did have, and I started bawling.
Reading candid, honest, anonymous submissions has been the most rewarding part of APAHW, and honestly, of anything I’ve given my time towards in college. Being able to see people use an avenue I designed to express themselves makes me feel like I was able to contribute to something, even if the only tangible impact was upon a few kids who took an hour or so to write a quick one page essay. Their stories humbled me again and again, reminding me that though I’ve even come to question the purpose to thinking of issues of APA identity, I am far from having heard the multitudes of voices and perspectives that exist on campus, and in the world. I will never get a chance to hear all those stories; it’s simply impossible. But being able to get the chance to hear just one more has been completely and utterly worth it.